Charlie's Rules for a Good Marriage

 I originally posted this on Facebook, and... I think it bears keeping.  Especially since we're supposed to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this October.

So, this is a work in progress, and codifies various things that I've been thinking of over the years. [#15 added 5/13/19]

1. Tell your partner you love them, every day. Doesn't matter if you're right next to them or 3000 miles away. Every Day.
2. They deserve 100% of your effort. If you can't give that, you're in the wrong relationship.
3. When making love, be more interested in their pleasure/happiness than your own. 
4. Never leave them hanging.
5. Neither by action nor inaction, give them any reason to look elsewhere.  
6. Do your best to be their all.
7. Experiment together. Who knows, you might find something you like. 
8. You're married, not dead. Enjoy the scenery. But that's it. You've got steak at home. Why go out for hamburger? (with apologies to Paul Newman)
9. Never go to sleep angry. Talk it out.
10. You're two individuals coming together. You need to have a way to resolve differences. Learn how to fight in a way that (a) resolves the disagreement, and (b) doesn't trash the relationship.  Find your own style.
11. Whatever style of fighting works for the two of you, works for the two of you.  You don't have to justify it to anybody else, as long as it works. 
12. You can't fix your partner. If they want to be fixed, they'll do it themselves. 
13. If you're doing it right, you're each other's best friend. Talk things out. You have nobody who is more accepting of you.
14. That doesn't mean your partner is your only friend. You may need to talk something out with someone else, for a different perspective. THAT'S OK TOO. Just don't hide it from each other.
15. There are three sets of goals you need to keep in mind. Your personal goals, your partner's goals, and your goals as a couple. If you can't be supportive of all three, you've got a problem. (and yes, I've seen marriages meltdown in a matter of hours when this discussion came to a head). You and your partner need to be in alignment on this stuff.